#21 - Fleeing Emotions

I haven’t written in a couple of weeks. I hope everyone is doing well. Right now I am sitting on the steps of my cabin listening to Aaron cut the grass and watching Brandon clean up his bikes. I just got finished with the lunch shift and feeling pretty good.

Something I have noticed about a new place is that it may not bring you happiness, and rather it’s something we create for ourselves. And it can falter with having pre-existing expectations.

I have been in Colorado for about three weeks and it’s hard emotionally. It’s throwing yourself in a new environment and meeting loads of new people, which can be challenging.

It’s almost like you need to put on a performance at first to come off as a happy individual. I’ll tell you, I’ve felt just as lonely here as I have at home.

I’ve also been filled with gratitude just as equally. It seems to be a roller coaster of emotions.

I think what I’m trying to say is I’ve struggled with trying to feel happy. I’ve noticed happiness is a fleeing emotion.

But I think getting out of your comfort and meeting new people is a key part of learning about yourself in the long run.

Its an interesting ride filled with self-doubt and insecurity but I think that is where we can build a sense of confidence in ourselves.

I’ve noticed that washing dishes and cleaning toilets can make you feel less than you are, but also makes me realize I do not want to do this forever.

There are a lot of inspirational people here at this camp and I love it. There are people here choosing dance, theatre, song writing, and more of the like for their careers. All I see in that is beauty. Even as people that are not choosing the conventional lifestyle, they still have extreme challenges, if not more than the average person. And all I say to that is, beautiful.

Being in nature is definitely something that can help me and others appreciate the true beauty of the world.

I hope you all are doing well and take care.

Love

Ben