#63 - The New Guy

Hello beautiful people! It is a Friday afternoon and I’m getting ready to head into work. I have been kind of down recently and it stems from a few different things. One of the main issues is on my days off I need to have something planned. I wake up with no purpose and over time that can play a huge role in my mood. In my free time, I check social media and really get the feeling that I am not doing enough with my life. Thinking like that can go two different ways, on one end, it can spring you forward and say yes I can do more and I will, and on the opposite end can be a negative thing, which in my case, tends to happen. I wonder how long are we supposed to sit down and do nothing. Again, I think that can go two ways, it can allow you to sit back and think about what to do next or it can allow you to distract yourself from your current situation.

We all must have some kind of purpose, right? I struggle the most trying to prove myself as a man, to be this “Macho Man,” but really I don’t want to be that. I get super insecure around the masculine man type haha. I know it seems silly, but I think I’ve always struggled being myself. I’m not sure if it stems from childhood or plenty of different aspects of my life. I do believe a lot of things are natural tendencies like being sad and depressed, or hopeful and driven. They all have their purpose. That’s why I don’t take any medication because I believe we are supposed to go through these different feelings in our life.

Overall, I am struggling to find a purpose. I’m not sure what to do with my life. I love all the people in my life that I have met and am grateful for that. I have had a great life so far if you were to look at it objectively. My mother and father did everything for me and I will always be grateful. Being 26 is a weird age and there is no education on what to be doing at this age. I guess we should be in our careers at this point trying to make money. I make too many excuses for my life which I am working on. Part of me feels like a bitch for even writing this stuff haha.

Anyway, a positive is I feel like I’m making headway on my cursing habit. When I reflect on it, I do believe a lot of it had to do with an incident that happened in my life and I was using cursing as a gateway. I was frustrated with my life, so I would curse all the time. Part of me will still curse every once in a while, but it was getting out of hand. I was cursing all the time on my podcast, in front of my parents, and in front of strangers really which is not a good look haha.

I guess life is a pursuit of building confidence and being comfortable with one’s self. I believe you can build those through physical skills. Learning new skills and getting comfortable being the new guy because I mean that is what we all are throughout our life, the new guy.