#28 - Phones, Recovery, and Eating

Hello Lovers,

Today, I took a leap into the past and bought a flip phone. I know I know, I’m such a rebel; who let me off the leash? I feel good about it, a good way to describe the feeling is light. Like a little weight that has been taken off. A portal to freedom, if you will.

My intent is to experiment without the constant anxiousness of reaching for my iPhone. I’m ready for the challenge, but do not want to be the guy, “Oh, look at me being a rebel. Ladies, let me get your number.” *Wink*

That’s not the point, but rather to uncover how much time is actually wasted scrolling through my phone instead of dealing with myself in those quiet moments of desperation.

Last night was the last straw. I was extremely upset, and on my way to work found myself putting a podcast on when I should have kept the drive silent and dealt with what I had going on. I had made up my mind before that incident but that sealed the deal for me and today I went to the Sprint store.

I didn’t overthink it, not because they only sold one flip phone, but I knew what my intent was and I wasn’t leaving that store without my flippy. Yes, that’s what I’ll call her, flippy.

So here I am, at the library, typing this with my beautiful lover, flippy, next to me.

In other news, my next endeavor is to buy a sleeping bag and give my twin sized mattress and sheets to a homeless person. If anyone has a truck and would like to accompany me on this journey please reach out. I’m not even sure anyone actually knows that this website exists, but it’s worth a shot.

I’m pushing to go as fully minimalist as possible. I simply enjoy the challenge of being a minimalist in a materialistic society, in hopes that I can use that extra energy towards others and not attaching myself to physical objects that truly do not matter.

Also in other news, I hurt my back trying to dead lift 315 lbs yesterday with my brother Ryan. He is strong as an ox and truthfully kinda looks like one too. So, I’m working on recovering from that.

I’ve been shopping at Trader Joe’s recently and buying these veggie chips with Trader Joe’s guacamole and it is an awesome snack and I still feel light and ready to rock after eating a good bit. I’ve really been working on my nutrition lately, simply just eating real food, and limiting the stuff from a box. A good bit of mixed veggies, spinach, solid trail mix, some green juices, eggs, chicken, sweet potatoes, some sort of berries, and of course the chips and guac for a snack.

I’ve struggled with eating my whole life. Overeating, under eating then starving myself, and plainly just eating bad food, and a lot of it. I’m still working on it, don’t get me wrong, I’m far from making these patterns habitual yet, but I’m trying. It’s hard for me to turn down brownies still.

Gun to my head, how many brownies could I eat? 40 at least… not joking.

I’ve known I had a problem for a while now, but a recent gorging really hit home with me. While I was in Colorado, I was working in a kitchen, which sucks when you know you have a problem, but I dealt with it. Anyway, one day, I was shoving food down my throat and simultaneously telling myself that I hated myself and knew I was not hungry, but that hand kept shoving mac & cheese down my gullet and I could feel the hatred for myself.

Eating was my comfort, whenever I’m sad, eat, whenever I want to forget, eat. I’ve been that way forever, but I am conscious of it and am continuously working on it.

That’s enough from me today. I hope you all enjoyed this. I plan on making these more a journal style of writing. I do enjoy it and look forward to putting my words on paper (or screen).

Love & Joy

Ben