#38 - Das Boot

I’ve worked at a bar called The Boot for a little over 5 years. I have definitely seen some crazy shit. Now, the aura of fun is shifting to work as I get older. I find myself wanting to work and go home rather than partying. It seems maybe my priorities are shifting.

Pending my circumstances, I have chosen to go back to work at the boot after not being there for almost a year. My mentality of everyday life is struggling at the moment. Nothing is seeming to bring me joy. I know this will not last. I am still trying new things, committing myself to things, but still something seems off. I’m not sure what it is. It seems to be a low point in my life, happening right this instant. I do not believe it will last and I don’t plan on hurting myself, but I’m not going to lie, this feeling sucks.

Maybe one day, I’ll come back and look at this post and think about this time and how it made me a better person, or maybe I won’t. Who knows. It doesn’t seem like anything is missing, it just seems life is dull and absent of joy.

I sometimes compare myself to others and let the insecurities fly. I binge eat when I want to suppress my feelings. I have felt like a quitter for the last 8 years of my life. I do a lot of activities not for myself, but because I want validation from others. I’ve gotten in trouble with the law twice in the past 3 years. I have ruined about 5 relationships with women because of my lack of communication skills. But yeah everything is cool man.

I almost deleted this website today but I was reading Joe Rogan’s blog and it inspired me to keep it going.

I’ll see y’all later.