#11 - My Fears

I’m trying to be the best version of myself. As of now, that is through trying to treat people with more love and compassion than the day before. It is hard. I try to be present with others to give as to give them my ears.

Most of my life has been lived pursuing things for money and/or my own pleasure. Those are strong forces as I still have those desires today.

I believe we must pursue adventures to better ourselves in hope that pursuing these will help others. I am not here to give advice. My journey at this moment calls for me to try and love others. 

I run into people who say, “You’re only 24, what do you know?” And to them I say, I only know what I have been through. I have been through my own struggles of self doubt, not believing I was enough, feeling alone, and many more.

I am not here to judge others but find myself doing the judging. I am not here to do wrong against my fellow man, but still find myself doing wrong. I am not here for many reasons yet still find myself living on those reasons. 

We are only here as humans and I will continuously sin against my fellow man. 

All I can do is fight. Fight for what I believe in. And what I believe in is that we are all flawed. We must try our best to love our fellow humans because we are all in this together. Until we stop betraying and fighting each other over our beliefs maybe we can come to an understanding. 

I believe even through our different beliefs there is common ground amongst us all. First being, we are all human which is common enough for me. 

I just want people to know that I am trying to love. Through my own fears and struggles I still stand here and say I try to love. 

I started on a journey a couple years ago to love myself because I was wrecked after living 22 years of my life completely lost. I am familiar that our early years we may all be lost so I ask you, do not judge me. 

I am here living now, writing this in hopes that someone can relate to me. 

None of my physical pursuits have brought me lasting happiness and I always find myself down and alone with no purpose. 

But I continually learn and get back on my saddle to find a purpose. My purpose may change as it always has. My purpose in this moment is to write this. That is all. 

I hope everyone is doing well and finding love in their life through whatever avenue you see fit. Thank you for reading this. I truly do appreciate your time. 

Ben