#14 - The End

Often times in life, I find myself distracted by things. The two most common are other people and my phone.

Who is to say what being distracted means? What if we have no plans or goals in mind for our immediate future and we choose to watch a YouTube video? Is that being distracted? Or is it entertainment? Or both? Is it good or bad?

I do not have the answers, but a lot of times it seems like we are distracted which leads us to not being fully immersive in any given moment. All I’m trying to do is be honest and raise the questions that others are not willing to raise.

As I walk around in life, I see more and more people on their phone which is ironic because I’m writing this on my phone. I believe these phones can be useful tools. It is basically a super computer in our pockets. So my question is, who wouldn’t be drawn to check that thing every 2 minutes?

I try not to, but I’m not going to lie, it is hard. How do we know which apps are useful and which are distractions? And can an app be both? What if we have 70 apps on our phones? (I have 25)

I’m interested to look at other people’s phones because it can be a reflection of how they process their life at this point. Hell, we may be turning into some kind of computer.

All I’m trying to do here is throw out questions that I’d like to answer or even just bring up to other people. It seems we are getting so distracted that we are not asking the important questions.

Why are we even using all of this technology? Do we chalk it up to advancement? We say, it’s coming!! BRACE YOURSELVES!!

I say bring it baby. I’m here for a good time not a long time (Drake Voice). But seriously, I do not have the answers. Part of me worries for humanity and part of me enjoys having an iPhone so I can write blogs like the one you’re reading right now.

I say let’s embrace the technology as I’m sure this isn’t the first time in human history where something crazy seems on the horizon and we think it’s going to change the human race in some absolutely crazy way and there’s no way we’ll adapt. But we always adapt. So I say bring it on technology.

I say we embrace technology but let’s be aware of the distracting factors and maybe it’s ability to hinder our communication with real life people. Let’s try to find some sort of “balance.”

Love

Ben

#13 - Life After Death

I hope everyone is doing well. As I sit here, in my backyard, on this rainy Sunday, I can’t help but wonder. What is the meaning of life?

I’m just kidding. No I’m not. Kind of.

I can’t really tell you what that is. Maybe it is for us to make up our own meaning? That seems like the best we can do. I don’t think we’re supposed to know.

If we all knew, it would be like a massive spoiler alert. That wouldn’t be any fun now would it. But seriously, who knows. I think maybe we’re supposed to enjoy this ride and realize we are only here for a finite amount of time so let’s stop being so judgmental of others and try to come to a realization that we’re all in this together.

Sike, human nature won’t allow that. We are too vicious as a species. Maybe we’re supposed to rise to a higher level of consciousness when vicious things happen to us and realize it could always be worse. Or maybe not. I’m not sure nor will I ever be sure, most likely.

I do feel a part of our human nature is to be distracted from ourselves. Which I will get into further in the next post.

Take care,

Ben

#12 - My Path

I sit here and think about myself and my life up to this point. Reflecting on what has been and how can I learn from it now? Is it even worth it? Am I looking at it correctly?

As I sit here, I can look at my life up to this point in two different ways. One is a failed sports career because every sport I’ve ever done I ended up stopping. 

That seems silly to me as the only reason I started doing these “sports” was to fill my time with things that I thought were productive or made me acceptable in other people’s eyes. 

I’m not sure that any physical feats are even my intended goal for my life. I do things because I enjoy them but usually I come to a point where I do not want to take part in those “sports” or activities anymore. I’m better off just telling people that I’ve never played sports in my life because the other answer is that I ended up stopping or for most of my life used “quitting” as what I did. Quitting seems like a destructive word because quitting to me is stopping something when you know you need to keep going and you give up. 

Quitting = Giving up to me. But you can’t quit something if you never actually wanted it for yourself in the first place but were doing the activity for someone else’s validation.

Another problem with my logic is putting emphasis on sports when in reality that isn’t what my path was. I am here now because of everything I have done leading up to this point.  

I don’t believe I need to validate myself based on this social dynamic that a person needs to play physical sports in order to prove he is a man. It makes no sense really. And even people who choose these manly feats for their life, even then it comes to an end. People retire and start something new. 

And if you are consistently trying new things than logistically speaking you are going to start and stop plenty of different adventures. Which is human nature really. So whose to say whether someone is quitting or beginning a new journey and ending one which did not serve them anymore?  

Whose to say? And I believe we can come to an understanding of that and accept that individual as they are. 

I can personally say I’ve talked to people who did things I was doing for 10-15 years that I did for a couple years and I love listening to their experience but not once when I actually thought about it did I say that I wish I was them.

I am happy with who I am now. Our earthly experience and physical feats seem so minuscule to me when I think about the larger picture. Maybe I’m wrong. I think our physical feats are great. But are they everything? You tell me. I am happy for everyone regardless.

It seems like there are a lot of people who are not under the scope of being “successful,” but who are we to define terms of success for others. It seems like a subjective term for me. 

I felt like a quitter and loser for a long time and that was because I put this pressure on myself to be a sports player. I wanted to be a football and baseball player and when I stopped I hadn’t really thought about life after. I did not know what it meant to work hard. Everything I had done was based on my God-given physical talent. 

That eventually came to a halt as it does for most people. For me it was a lot earlier than my original expectations and also not how I intended it to. And it really left me feeling worthless for a long time even sometimes now.

It also helps me when I talk to people who have similar stories and I realize these people are not losers. In fact they are smart people who have been through different and sometimes the same situations as myself. And what helps is when that person chooses to love you anyway even though you “think” you’re a loser. 

So anyway, now in my life I am trying to switch gears with my thinking. I do value my physical body and my ability to move and play sports and do different things I enjoy. But these physical activities are not the end all be all for myself. I usually look past that and is why I am going with writing. 

To somehow reach out to people who have similar stories as myself. I’m not sure I need to prove anything to anyone. Or do I? Maybe to myself.

Anyway, I’m going to Trader Joe’s. I am hungry. Have a great weekend.  

#11 - My Fears

I’m trying to be the best version of myself. As of now, that is through trying to treat people with more love and compassion than the day before. It is hard. I try to be present with others to give as to give them my ears.

Most of my life has been lived pursuing things for money and/or my own pleasure. Those are strong forces as I still have those desires today.

I believe we must pursue adventures to better ourselves in hope that pursuing these will help others. I am not here to give advice. My journey at this moment calls for me to try and love others. 

I run into people who say, “You’re only 24, what do you know?” And to them I say, I only know what I have been through. I have been through my own struggles of self doubt, not believing I was enough, feeling alone, and many more.

I am not here to judge others but find myself doing the judging. I am not here to do wrong against my fellow man, but still find myself doing wrong. I am not here for many reasons yet still find myself living on those reasons. 

We are only here as humans and I will continuously sin against my fellow man. 

All I can do is fight. Fight for what I believe in. And what I believe in is that we are all flawed. We must try our best to love our fellow humans because we are all in this together. Until we stop betraying and fighting each other over our beliefs maybe we can come to an understanding. 

I believe even through our different beliefs there is common ground amongst us all. First being, we are all human which is common enough for me. 

I just want people to know that I am trying to love. Through my own fears and struggles I still stand here and say I try to love. 

I started on a journey a couple years ago to love myself because I was wrecked after living 22 years of my life completely lost. I am familiar that our early years we may all be lost so I ask you, do not judge me. 

I am here living now, writing this in hopes that someone can relate to me. 

None of my physical pursuits have brought me lasting happiness and I always find myself down and alone with no purpose. 

But I continually learn and get back on my saddle to find a purpose. My purpose may change as it always has. My purpose in this moment is to write this. That is all. 

I hope everyone is doing well and finding love in their life through whatever avenue you see fit. Thank you for reading this. I truly do appreciate your time. 

Ben 

#10 - Music in My Life

Music can be a powerful tool in our society. Music has always influenced my life. Something I noticed was while I listened to music, I would not actually listen to the lyrics. I would enjoy the beat and go along with the song. Once I started paying to attention to the lyrics of artists, my mind was blown. To me, an album is a story of its own. It can tell a story of where that artist is in their life and everything they’ve been through.

I’ve noticed that I will listen to one artist for an extended period of time and when I reflect on that time I remember the artist I listened to during that period of my life. An example for me is Kid Cudi.

I was going through some things in my life last year and I only listened to him for the better part of 8 months. I came to know almost all of his albums and fell in love with his style of music.

Music is another form of expression and I love anyone who is putting themselves out there via any form of art and is standing up for what they believe.

There is a lot to learn from other artists especially ones who create music. I hope you all have a wonderful week.

Love

Ben

#9 - Eating Habits

Hello all,

As I sit here and write this, I just ate my lunch consisting of some beef, rice, avocado, and a salad. I feel pretty good and ready to tackle my next task at 5pm. I have struggled and still do with my eating habits. It is something I work on every day of my life and may always have to. I can confidently say I am better at it today then I was for years of my life.

I believe we do not take the idea of our eating habits seriously enough. And for some, eating may not be an issue but rather their issue may lie in another area. This article is not about that.

My problem with eating can be stuffing my face until I cannot move and at a pace where there is no way my body can respond quick enough to know that I am actually full. And even then I will continually stuff my face even further. It’s a drug addiction in that sense and a challenge I battle every day of my life.

My call is to bring awareness of this to help the unknown feel they are not alone. Eating disorders are a huge deal and one that goes underground when it comes to asking for help.

I love my body and my ability to move and live my life. There is no doubt in my mind that our eating habits and what it is we are eating affect our mental state at any given time throughout the day. Whether that is us feeling agitated, angry, sluggish, and many others.

My goal is to educate myself on this matter since it affects me day in and day out. I’d just like to bring an understanding to the matter and help people realize that looks can be deceiving as well. Just because a person looks in shape or “healthy” does not necessarily mean they are happy. I want to be upfront with my problems so other people can share their faults as well.

We are only human, so by that logic we are full of faults, but I believe we need to love each other through our downfalls and come to an overwhelming understanding of who we are as humans. If you can relate or want to share your story with me please reach out to me. I love listening and sharing these types of things.

Love,

Ben

#8 - Judgement of Myself

I hope everyone is doing well. I just had a great conversation with a friend of mine. I have been seeing him the past couple weeks after not really communicating for a few years. Honestly, it’s refreshing that there are people you can connect with after an extended period of time and it’s like you never missed a beat. I love that and I think it speaks to who we are as humans. Our communication with each other is a vital part of our survival. If I take care of myself first, then have a great conversation where I am truly present and putting myself in their shoes, I feel fulfilled during and after the conversation. It’s almost a drug in my eyes.

I notice that we are judgmental creatures and judge people for the smallest decisions when in reality most decisions we need to make are made in a split decision. No thinking required just goings on instinct. And by that logic it does not seem fair to judge someone by these decisions. It does not seem fair to judge as all. I heard a quote regarding this logic. “Every stone you cast there is three coming back your way.” I could have butchered that but you get the point.

Anyway, I hope you all have a great week. Spread the love people. You may make a real impact in someone’s life and all you need to do is listen and love.

Enjoy your life,

Ben

#7 - Justin Bieber

Yesterday I decided to go extremely down the rabbit hole of Justin Bieber on YouTube. And not really his music videos. I’m talking paparazzi videos of them just following him around. And it is extremely bizarre. I’m not sure I would want to live that way. And I think people give him a bad wrap. I was listening to him and he sounds like a grown adult when it comes to reasoning with these people (paparazzi). Honestly, I think paparazzi should be illegal. Those people were treating him like he was some sort of alien And he’s asking for these people to just leave him alone for ONCE. And he’s doing it like a reasonable person and these people DO NOT CARE. It’s kind of sad really.

The paparazzi ask him these questions about his personal life and they shove their camera in his face and if he does get a little frustrated or upset, the paparazzi act like he should not be. In my head, they are what’s wrong with that industry. It’s a shame really and to me famous people are totally justified in how they act toward the paparazzi. If anything, I’d give them credit for not killing themselves or the paparazzi.

All I think of when I see paparazzi taking photos is those pictures you see of the front page of People Magazine. Blah & Blah are having marriage problems. It’s a shame.

Anyway, I got a little distracted. I’d suggest you all check it out and also check out other celebrities and their paparazzi encounters. It’s interesting to me.

I’m going to the park now. I hope you all have a great week. My social networks are linked below. I love feedback and people reaching out. I appreciate the love.

Thanks

Ben

#6 - Digital Future

I wonder if we’ll need typing in the future. I was fixated on learning how to type and I am. But I do not type fast enough to feel I can get the most out of these posts. Most of them till now have been typed on a computer but this one and the previous one have been done on my phone and it seems more efficient to me. My prediction is that similar to writing on paper now a days, typing on a computer in the future will be irrelevant if it is not close already. You tell me.

Our thumbs move extremely fast while we are on texting and using apps. These phones are also extremely distracting. I’ve noticed a higher sense of peace within myself when I go extended periods of time without being on my phone.

My mind works in a crazy way and these are my reflections. Each post may have 3 different topics or maybe all the same. I do not plan what I write on here. Maybe I should. But I’m here to give you a taste into my mind and share my thoughts.

It seems somewhat silly to me to confine myself to a computer when I have a better computer in my hands right now. I can literally write anywhere/anytime on this thing barring I’m in the middle of something where I don’t want my phone. Which is normal.

My concerns surface if I publish this then go spend the next 5 hours on YouTube and Instagram.

I’m thinking of using this platform for a multitude of reasons. Maybe for a journal like the one you’re reading or to share my thoughts on a certain topic. Read the next one for something interesting. Thank you.

#5 - Trail Mix

As I’m writing this I am eating trail mix that I bought from Trader Joe’s. I just got home from the park where a buddy and myself did some running and had some great conversation. Something I told myself regarding this website and these posts was that I would write at least one of these a day for the next 30 days. So here I am. I didn’t want to write. The thoughts in my head said just go lay down and write two tomorrow to make up for it. From past experiences it has never worked out that way and I eventually ended up failing. Shout out to my friend John Michael who is helping me with ideas for discipline. Also shout out to my brother Preston for being a good friend. We’re on the right path brother. Keep grinding. I love you all and I hope you all are having a great life.

Love & Joy

Ben

#4 - People

I hope you all are doing well. Today I wanted to share the people I follow out in the ether. These people are either do things that I want to start doing, are doing things that I am doing, give me hope that we can design the life we want to live, or just cool people that are doing cool things. This may be a large list but I believe these people share their experiences in life through creating. That may be music, martial arts, podcasts, YouTube, Instagram, all of these things combined, or just being themselves. I have invested the better part of the last few years following some of these people and others I’ve just found. These people have different perspectives and experiences on life and are doing what they set out to do. If I forget any I will continuously update this list. Here we go.

• Aubrey Marcus

• Kyle Kingsbury

• Theo Von

• Duncan Trussell

• Shane Mauss

• Andrew Santino

#3 - Podcasts

Over the past few years I have indulged myself into podcasts. Most likely too much, BUT that is my form of entertainment as I have basically cut TV out of my life. Anyway, at the moment I have my phone next to me playing Michael Che’s stand-up comedy and it is funny. I haven’t listened to him that much but it popped up on my YouTube feed and I’m happy it did. I have also been listening to Hotboxin’ with Mike Tyson which is a podcast with Mike Tyson and his co-host Eben Britton. They have guests on and talk about topics ranging from marijuana, the toad, and whatever the guest that day brings to the table mixed in with a little bit of Mike’s past which is always awesome. If you read this I’d suggest you check it out. Also Andrew Schulz’s comedy is one I’ve been listening to recently after remembering him from Guy Code and rediscovering him on Joe Rogan’s podcast which is for a whole different post. Podcasts, music, and comedy is basically all I’ve been listening to for the better part of the last year. I hope you all enjoy. Thank you.

Love & Joy

Ben

#2 - Expression

Hello again,

I am here at the library editing this website as I am typing this. I love how these forms of expression document our thought processes at any given moment in time. We can also look back years from now at what we created and see how far we’ve come in all aspects of life. I felt a calling to write yesterday so I acted on it and created this website so that I can share my ideas while also working on my typing. My plan for writing is to make it my own. This is the second time I am creating a website as the first one failed. I did not keep up with it and did not realize it is a long term journey of constantly working, writing, and editing. I have learned a lot since then and plan on moving full steam ahead with this one. I hope you all can enjoy these small bits of my mind. It is amazing what we create with a dream and some discipline. I have no expectations for this website as I am taking it day by day. I hope you all are living a wonderful and loving life. Big things are coming.

Peace & Love

Ben

#1 - Beginning

Today, I created this website. I just got home and realized that I can write, edit, and do everything I need on this website from my phone which is awesome. I have been writing in my notes app on my phone, basically like a journal. I’m thinking I will take that same concept but publish them on here instead of in the app that way everyone can read them. I plan on writing about different types of subjects that interest me. I am always experimenting especially on this site so be patient with me. I hope you all enjoy my content. Thank you.