Man where the hell do I start? It’s been about ten days since I have written anything. Thanksgiving has passed in that time. It was nice, but rather exhausting. My dad’s side of the family is a little closed off, but still cool. My mom’s side is pretty cool as well. I want to love all people, but for the sake of humor, and how I really feel just keep reading.
I’m telling you man, something about the question, “Where do you work?” drives me up the wall, mainly when it’s the first question asked to me by someone I have not seen in a year, and mainly when asked to me by someone who should be dead already.
Family is a crazy concept because I love my family, but I’m not going to lie, most of them have no idea what is actually going on in my life, and I’m not sure they care. I don’t blame them because I barely care. We all have our own shit going on.
Speaking of shit going on, I am going through one of the most stressful times in my life right the hell now. I’m not sure I am allowed to say on here, but if I’ve talked to you in person, chances are you know. I’m dealing with it the best I can by working and participating in activities I enjoy doing. I have roughly two to three constants, depending on how you look at it, going on in my life at the moment, including working out, doing jiu-jitsu, and working at The Boot. It’s not bad, and the only issue comes when the question I mentioned above happens for the holidays, “Well, where are you working?”
My anxiety blasts to my skull like a grenade going off. The blood rushes to my head and I start to feel like I’m going to pass out, then I sometimes headbutt the wall bursting the sheet rock. Then I say, “The Boot,” and usually, “Yes, I still do,” comes out after, casually.
Okay that’s a little exaggerated, but the blood rushing to my head is true. I honestly think, no not think, but know it is the judgement that I am scared of because deep down I feel like a fucking failure. And all these older people tell me the same thing, “Just pick something.” What does that even fucking mean?
So you’re telling me you want me to pick another job making less money than I am being a bartender just for the sake of picking something, a “career,” if you will? And you know what else is funny, when I turn the question back on these said people, they usually say they regret a few things in their life.
Regret is a silly thing to me because I honestly don’t regret a single thing I have done up to this point. I would not be writing this article that you are reading right now if I had done something different.
You know what I like to do old lady, I like to fucking write, how’s that for a god damn career??????
I am working at, “Fuck off and mind your own business,” and take that smug look of failure off your face.
Hehehe..
Does anyone have the answers??
*Crickets* *Chirp* *Chirp*
Thought so old lady. I’ll be fine regardless of what you think of me, and oh how might you be doing? Actually doing, not the normal bullshit answer, because believe it or not, I do love you regardless of any physical activity you complete on this earth and I want to know how you are actually doing. Oh damn, you are going through a divorce?? And you are arguing with both of your daughters about life?? That’s some crazy shit lady. Thank you for telling me that. The universe loves you believe it or not, and I love you too. Hopefully we talk again, and maybe we can grab coffee some time. Here’s my number.